so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
