I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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