Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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