you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
