that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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