bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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