Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
