I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
