all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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