I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
