Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
