I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
