i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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