The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Found the puke drawer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
