your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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