Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
