I bet he comes in French.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
