worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
