I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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