After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
