Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
