A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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