Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
