I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
