i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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