i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
