I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
