Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
