she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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