It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
