So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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