its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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