Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
