i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
