The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
