just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
