i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
