do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
