dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
