Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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