when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
