all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
