don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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