someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
