True but thats because hes a fetus.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
