I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
