Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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