Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
