STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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