hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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