At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
