I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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