I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
